It’s hard to believe, but Priscilla from Banalitiville, Saskatchewan, Canada actually spent money on a stamp, paper and an envelope that she used to mail me the following question about the occurrence of bad things:
In a world with an infinite number of Gods, why do bad things happen to good people?
Wow Priscilla, snail-mail. How terribly modern of you! And you really went all out for originality with that question, didn’t you?
I’ve finished clipping the Chief Sage Officer’s toenails and he hasn’t yet assigned me my next revolting menial task, so I’ll take some time out of my busy day to answer your question. There are a number of reasons why bad things happen to good people or, rather, why you perceive bad things to be happening to good people.
Let’s start with the question of why bad things really do sometimes happen to good people.
God One is only a deity. He’s not immune to foul things happening to Him. Sometimes, He just has a bad day. When that happens, He gets irritable and acts out. If you happen to be the person He’s looking down upon at that point, something nasty—maybe really nasty—is probably going to happen to you. It’s not your fault. That’s just the way God One is.
Bad Things Can Come from Bad Gods
Plus, keep in mind that there are an infinite number of Gods. It is, therefore, inevitable that there will be a few bad apples or, rather, bad deities among Them. Sometimes the evil deities cause trouble for some of the best among God One’s creations just for the hell of it.
There are also some Gods who are practical jokers, but beneath Their impish exteriors They are inherently beneficent deities. They like to have fun, but They usually don’t think through the consequences of Their actions. In addition, because we are not Their creations, They aren’t as concerned about justice being done to us as God One is.
That brings me to a more fundamental point. Are you really sure that they are bad things and good people? To a masochist, a sharp whack on the side of the head is a good thing. You just perceive it to be bad from your perspective.
If, on any given day, the only things that happen to a masochist are things that you consider to be joyful, the masochist will rue the day. Thus, if a masochist has what you consider to be a ghastly day, God One is actually rewarding, not punishing him or her.
Of course, in the previous paragraphs I assumed that you’re not a masochist. If you are a masochist then reverse everything I said.
Furthermore, how do you know for certain that they are good people? Maybe they beat their spouses and children behind closed doors. Maybe they steal without getting caught, and without turning the proceeds of their crimes over to the Church of Infinitiaty. Or maybe they don’t believe in Infinitiaty and, therefore, are hideously evil people in the eyes of the Gods. You don’t know.
Or maybe, Gods forbid, they totally waste the time of one of the Sages of Infinitiaty by asking him a boring, excessively clichéd question. I’m just saying.