In my outreach work for the Church of Infinitiaty, I talk to a great many laypeople, not to mention a lot of folks who are not getting laid at all. A question that comes up frequently is, “why aren’t the Gods performing any miracles for us anymore?”
This just goes to show how many complete nincompoops who choose to remain blind to the Gods’ wonders there are in this world. God One, as well as many of the other Gods who drop by to visit God One’s universe, perform modern miracles for us all of the time. You just have to be attuned to witnessing them when they happen.
Consider, for example, the case of Bertrand from Bealsbubb, Nevada, USA.
Bertrand is a devout Infinitian who was down on his luck a couple of months ago. He had just lost his job as a health inspector at a chain of Nevada brothels. It was alleged that he regularly failed to pay the agreed upon fees for inspecting the health of the women in the bordellos and, as a result, he was fired.
Distraught down to the very core of his being, he decided to head out into the desert to commune with some of God One’s creations, the cacti and yuccas and the snakes and tarantulas, because God One rarely had time to commune with Bertrand personally.
Modern Miracles: An Automotive Example
Heading down the highway in his Prius, Bertrand perceived that his car was speeding up, yet he hadn’t pressed down on the accelerator pedal. To test his theory, he removed his foot from the accelerator completely, but the car continued to go faster. Bertrand, being a very spiritual fellow, knew exactly what this meant. It was a miracle. Cars don’t just accelerate on their own. God One or one of the other Gods had reached down from the heavens and accelerated his car to give him an unmistakable sign that his life was speeding away from him and he needed to get it under control.
Bertrand accepted this miraculous message from the Gods and immediately slammed his foot on the brake. Nothing happened. Nothing, that is, but his car continued to speed up. He pressed the brake pedal again and again nothing except continued acceleration happened. What are the odds that his brake would fail just when his car was accelerating to an unmanageable velocity? Next to nothing, he thought.
The reason was clear. Obviously, another modern miracle was happening. God One or some other God was again giving him sign, this time letting him know that humans are not in charge; the Gods are in charge.
Bertrand was getting ready to meet his maker and was wishing he had a chance to change his underwear first, when the engine in his Prius cut out. The car slowed and Bertrand was able to steer it to the side of the road before it came to a stop.
He had completely forgotten, that early that morning, he had siphoned the gas out of his car to give to the reverend at his local Infinitian church. The reverend needed the gas because he had to make an emergency run to investigate a problem at the church’s casino. It seems that one of the slot machines had been paying out occasionally.
Clearly, yet another miracle had happened. One of the Gods, knowing what another of the Gods was going to do to Bertrand’s car, took pity on him and caused the slot machine to malfunction. It was inevitable that the reverend would then ask Bertrand for gas because they are co-religionists and next-door neighbors, and the reverend never bought his own gas.
So you see, miracles happen all of the time all around us. Bertrand spotted three of them in just one day. Who knows how many others had occurred that day in front of his eyes, but he missed them by wrongly assuming they were just coincidences?
You too can witness the Gods’ wondrous works in our world. You just have to accept the Gods into your heart in order to see the modern miracles they perform for our benefit or, often, just to piss us off royally. If that doesn’t work, you can take a course that is offered by the Church of Infinitiaty at a reasonable cost. The course will teach you to distinguish between the Gods’ miracles, which are abundant even in modern times, and coincidences, which are surprisingly rare.