Many religions are fixed in time. Their adherents believe that their alleged Scriptures, which they claim were handed down many centuries ago from their God, are sacrosanct and complete. For them, there is nothing new to be learned that can’t be found in the existing sacred writings.
That’s not the case with Infinitiaty. We always have our eyes open for and are accepting of new revelations that God One or one of the other Gods may bestow upon us.
For example, about three years ago a janitor found an ancient scroll behind one of the toilets in the Church of Infinitiaty’s offices. The scroll, which was made of a parchment-like material, cannot be ignored by any devout Infinitian. It was, after all, divine guidance that led us to it.
Normally, janitor in church offices doesn’t clean behind the toilets. Nobody looks there. So what’s the point? However, the old caretaker died of boredom. His replacement didn’t know about our tradition of not cleaning behind toilets. She thought this was part of her job.
The new janitor spotted the scroll and was about to use it as toilet paper when she noticed how rough the material was. Thinking that the paper was too coarse for her behind, she decided to give it to the Chief Sage Officer (CSO) instead. He is known to use anything handy to wipe his bum when nature calls. (Although, he usually has one of his Sages wipe his derriere for him rather than doing it himself.)
Scripture Saved from Flushing
The Chief Sage Officer recognized the scroll for what it was — a long lost piece of Infinitian scripture — and he sent it off to some revered Infinitian scholars for analysis.
Beyond the divine hand that led the scroll to the CSO’s hands, there was even stronger testimony to its holiness. Nobody knows how an ancient scripture came to be behind a toilet in the Church of Infinitiaty’s offices. The seeming impossibility of its existence in that spot is another proof that it had a divine source.
The find was announced only recently because it took considerable time to determine the scroll’s age. Using the most advanced visual guesstimating techniques, the scholars reckon that the scripture is approximately 2,700 years old The margin of error on that guesstimate is believed to be plus or minus no more than three millennia.
Another factor that contributed to the delay in announcing the discovery of the scroll is that it took the scholars three years to decipher what was written on it. The text is in a previously unknown language that, on close examination, appears to be a cross between ancient Hebrew and the markings that a palsied hen with inked feet would make when tap dancing on parchment.
After three years of careful study and the occasional lunch at a delicatessen, the scholars finally have a general sense of the wisdom that the Gods, or possibly God One Himself, have chosen to give us through the scripture. The scholars are still working out the fine details, but text appears to be a parable about a reverend of the Church of Infinitiaty who casts bread among the poor people of his village and receives gold in return.
Either that or it’s the reverend’s shopping list. The scholars aren’t sure. I’ll keep you posted as they continue to study the scroll.