All wise Infinitians—which is redundant because all Infinitians are wise, as their choice of religion proves—know that Infinitiaty is the one true religion. Nonetheless, shocking and unfortunate though it may be, some people have not yet accepted the truth of Infinitiaty. How should devout Infinitians relate to these heathens?
In most cases the answer is simple. Shun them. And keep them at as great a distance as possible.
Why? That too is simple.
By definition, those who do not believe in Infinitiaty have monstrously evil thoughts. You must separate yourself from such people. They clearly have viewpoints that are different from yours. You must prevent your mind from being polluted by their nonconformist outlooks.
Even more important, you must protect your children from exposure to the evil ideas of the heathen because the truth of Infinitiaty might not yet have been fully inculcated in your children. They are at an impressionable age. None but the most devout of Infinitians should be allowed to make an impression on your children at this stage of their lives.
Protect Children from Heathens
Infinitian children are born Infinitian. They should stay that way all of their lives. God One and many of His Peers consider an Infinitian child who later converts to another religion or who lapses into atheism or agnosticism to be a loss for our team. The Gods hate to lose.
As Sage Beth, an Infinitian sage who uttered most of her sagely advice in the early eighteenth century, said, “The bonds with Infinitiaty that a God or Gods forged in Infinitian infants at birth let no man, woman or child tear asunder.”
Those words are now almost 300 years old. Therefore, they are sacred and inviolate. Besides, Sage Beth has been dead for more than 250 years. Se would, therefore, find it a tad difficult to defend herself. It would thus be unjust to contradict her.
The alternative to protecting your children from heathen ideas is abominable. They might develop independent minds that spurn Infinitiaty, leading your children down the path to eternal damnation or, possibly, a deity-inflicted case of herpes. Gods forbid.
Most Infinitians should have nothing to do with heathens. However, believers who have minds that are resolute enough to not be susceptible to fact or argument are granted exemptions in specific instances, including the following:
- You need to interact with heathens in your work. Earning money that you give to the Church of Infinitiaty is a divine pursuit. If earning that money requires that you walk among the heathens, you are permitted to pretend to accept them. However, you must shower when you get home from work. And, while in the shower each evening, you must pray to at least 9425 of the Gods to ask for forgiveness for associating with heathens.
- You think it is possible to turn a heathen’s mind to Infinitiaty. New recruits, along with their church dues and tithes, are a thing of beauty in the eyes of God One and a few of the other Gods.
- You think you will be able to “borrow” (which, in this case, is a euphemism for “take”) some money from a heathen in order to turn that money over to the church. Enriching the church financially enriches you spiritually. Therefore, the money donated to the church will help to wash the stain of the heathen out of your clearly superior mind.
- You need to interact with heathens—only over the Internet, of course, not in direct contact—to convince them to visit an Infinitian blog or Web site that is supported by advertising and, therefore, needs an audience to generate revenue for the church.