A few days ago I received a letter from a young woman, Deirdre, in Durtoneadelle, Wisconsin, USA. Deirdre had a question about getting tattoos. After scrutinizing her words, looking for undertones that might be hidden between the lines, I discerned that Deirdre is spiritually solid, but socially lost.
The following is a verbatim transcript of her letter, with her last name redacted for privacy reasons:
Dear Sage Mike,
I am very confident and fulfilled in my belief in Infinitiaty, but lately I’ve become bored with the other aspects of my life. As a result, I’ve started collecting and perusing brochures from various countercultures. Many of them look interesting, and I’m considering joining one or two of them, but some require that I get a tattoo to be part of the in-crowd of the counterculture.
I have no fears about getting a tattoo, but I’m not sure if it would be morally acceptable within the Infinitian religion, which I so cherish. I desperately seek your advice on this matter.
Sincerely, spiritually solid, but socially lost,
Well Deirdre, let me first say that I think you need considerable counseling from an Infinitian reverend or sage if Infinitiaty is not satisfying you all of the time. There is, after all, an infinite number of Gods to worship. My one regret in life is that I am not immortal because, being mortal, I have only a finite amount of time to serve all of the Gods.
That aside, let’s consider your question about tattoos.
The Morality (or Lack Thereof) of Tattoos
God One attempted to create perfect bodies for us. That He failed is obvious from all of the flaws in our anatomy, but we can’t fault Him for trying. Hence, we must revere our bodies as a really good effort on His part.
God One does not mind us pointing out these imperfections because He is well aware of them and He does not shy away from admitting to them. That’s why he’s busy working on humans 3.0 to replace us in a continuation of his program of Created Evolution.
Personally, I’m not looking forward to being destroyed to make way for the next version of our species. Nonetheless, it is all part of God One’s Grand Plan, so I can’t complain. That is, I can’t complain without worrying about the possibility of being struck by lightning.
In the meantime, if God One wanted to engrave serpents, crosses, tribal symbols, hearts, angels, the world “mom,” or anything else on our skin he could have easily done so Himself, but he chose not to. Thus, we must assume that He did not want those markings on our bodies. Consequently, tattoos are clearly a desecration of God One’s work … maybe.
Why do I say maybe? Allow me to explain.
Some Infinitian sages contend that they have found passages in the scriptures of Infinitiaty that contain hidden messages indicating that skin was not God One’s idea. If these sages are correct, God One designed all of our internal organs and skeletal structure, but he couldn’t figure out how to package it all up. According to these sages, another God gave God One the idea for skin. Unfortunately, there’s no indication of which God that might have been.
If this reading of the scriptures is valid, God One might not care what we do with our skin because it wasn’t His design.
This brings up the question of the God who did come up with concept of skin. Will He or She object if we desecrate our skin? The answer is, probably not. Most of the Gods aren’t as petty as God One. They tend to not feel proprietary about Their designs. So, He or She will likely not be bothered by your tattoo.
Then again, because we don’t know which God designed our skin, if it was, indeed, a God other than God One, we can’t discern His or Her nature. Some of the Gods do get pissed off when you mess around with their designs.
Even if it turns out that God One did design our skin, you might still have an out. It is generally accepted that God One is very prudish. Therefore, He likely does not look at us while we are naked and, particularly, not while we are having sex. Thus, if you strategically place your tattoo on a naughty bit, live your life as a nudist, or constantly have sex, God One probably won’t see your tattoo. Then again, we could be wrong about that. He might be a voyeur, but He just hasn’t revealed that side of Himself to us.
Thus, to be on the safe side, you should avoid the tattoo if at all possible. I’m sure you can find a fun counterculture in which tattoos are not obligatory. Better yet, you should devote your every waking minute, and your dreaming minutes as well, to the Church of Infinitiaty. Then, the issue of a tattoo will not arise at all.
I hope I’ve been of some help, Deirdre.