Victoria from San Taklaus, California sent me the following note about the existence, or not, of heavenly sight:
My parents died when I was very young. Since then, I’ve always believed that they’ve witnessed my accomplishments from their perches in heaven. Now that I’m an adult, I’m beginning to question my childhood thoughts. Can our deceased loved ones really watch over us from heaven and follow our progress through life or is that just a foolish, wishful, romantic notion of mine?
Victoria, as with most complex questions, the answer is “it all depends.”
First, not everyone gets into God One’s heaven. Some people have broken God One’s rules and others have made total asses of themselves on reality shows. God One doesn’t want either of those sorts of people in His heaven.
This doesn’t mean that they don’t get into any heaven. They just don’t get into God One’s heaven. People turned down for entry into His heaven can apply to spend eternity in one of the other Gods’ heavens. Because there is an infinity of Gods, no matter what you’ve done to piss God One off, there’s bound to be several other Gods who find your actions to be not just acceptable, but admirable. They will, thus, give you a special spot in Their heavens if you ask for it.
God One encourages sinners and irksome people to apply to other Gods’ heavens because it is considered a black mark against God One when someone goes to hell, which is the only alternative to going to one of the Gods’ heavens after you die.
Each God owns His, Her or Its heaven, but hells are shared through co-ops. Each soul that goes to a hell is called a “black mark.” For the record, “black mark” has absolutely no racial connotations whatsoever. Most of the Gods are both literally and figuratively color-blind, unlike some “religious” people on earth.
(Just to be clear. “Hell” is a euphemism. It’s not the hell of other “religions’ ” bible stories. The real hell is more like the suburbs on Earth.)
The God who created a soul who goes to one of the co-op-owned hells must pay the co-op an up-front fee and an annual maintenance fee for that black mark. Because souls are in hell forever, the annual maintenance fees can really mount up. To put it diplomatically and to cosmically understate reality, God One is parsimonious. Thus, He tries to keep as many of His creations as possible out of hell.
In addition to those people who aren’t allowed to enter God One’s heaven, some people choose by their own free will to apply for eternal residence in another God’s heaven even if God One would have accepted them in His heaven.
People who owed a lot of money when they died often take this route. God One does not have any bankruptcy laws in heaven. Consequently, creditors can pursue you for all eternity in heaven. The last thing you want while you are trying to get the hang floating around in the clouds is to have your concentration interrupted by a threatening phone call from an interminable collection agency.
People with in-laws they don’t like also often apply to another God’s heaven. They feel they were tortured long enough during their lifetimes; they don’t want to have to put up with their in-laws for eternity.
Heavenly Sight: From One Heaven or Another
As I said, not everyone goes to God One’s heaven, but almost everyone does go to some heaven. The problem is that a soul in a heaven can look down on only the worlds in the universe of the God that created that heaven. So, if your parents aren’t in God One’s heaven, they can’t see you.
Second, unlike God One and many of the other Gods, human souls aren’t all-seeing. Souls can look at only one place at a time. For example, if your parents were casting their glances elsewhere when, after years of lengthy, diligent hard work, you finally, for the first time were able to complete the 30-word, child-level crossword puzzle published with the weekly TV listings in your newspaper, they would have missed that accomplishment.
One thing working in your favor if your parents are indeed in God One’s heaven is that His heaven is, contrary to popular belief, excruciatingly boring. There is no cable or satellite TV and over-the-air television reception is nonexistent. There are no movie theaters and, because everyone there is dead, there is obviously no live theater either. And what surprises most souls when they arrive in God One’s heaven is that there are no bingo halls.
(You might want to keep the tedium of God One’s heaven in mind when you die and you have to decide which God’s heaven you are going to try to get into. Most of the other Gods’ heavens feature nightly Broadway-style musicals, comedy clubs, sporting events and free-booze piano bars that stay open around the clock.)
Because there is little else to do, watching people down on earth is the primary form of entertainment for souls in God One’s heaven. Heavenly sight is pretty much their only medium for entertainment.
However, this doesn’t mean that your parents are always watching you or your siblings. (You didn’t mention whether you have any brothers or sisters. If so, maybe your parents liked them best and are keeping an eye on them rather than you—that is if your parents are spending their time watching any of you, which is unlikely.)
Here’s the problem: Once you get into heaven, God One stops watching you and people stop judging you. One strong desire that some people suppress on earth, but which comes to the fore in the more liberated heaven, is a colossal craving to watch porn. In fact, souls in God One’s heaven can’t get enough of the stuff. However, because there is no film, video, online or print porn available in God One’s heaven, souls there spend almost all of their time watching people on earth having sex.
So, Victoria, the answer is, yes, your parents do have heavenly sight. But, even if they are in God One’s heaven, it is likely that the only accomplishments of yours that they have seen are your sexual conquests—and then only if you and your sex partner have really hot bodies. Most souls, probably including your parents, consider that to be a truly heavenly sight. If you have a porn-star-like body, your parents probably know the exact second that you lost your virginity, assuming, of course, that you have lost it. But if you won a Nobel Peace prize, they are likely unaware of that.