Many people have written, emailed and phoned the Church of Infinitiaty head office to complain about a typo in the headline of an ad that appeared in last month’s edition of the Infinitiaty Bulletin. Church officials have asked me to assure you that the headline was not in error.
(Church of Infinitiaty officials are very strict about the proof-reading of all ads in church publications. That’s true whether it’s a Church ad or one from an unrelated sponsor. Misleading ads are fine. However, there can’t be any typographical errors in their misinformation.)
The wannabe nitpickers claimed that a “d” was missing in the faith-healing ad’s title, “Laying on of Hans.” That was not the case. It was not a typo. Not at all. No “d” was intended or required.
The ad was placed by the reverend of a recently minted Infinitiaty church franchise, the First Infinitian Church of Whathehellville, in Whathelleville, New Jersey. The reverend, who is known by only his first name, Hans, recently began offering faith-healing services that are, no doubt, soon to be widely acclaimed.
Anyone who read my blog post on Infinitian faith healing will recognize that the ad headline, “Laying on of Hans,” accurately reflects the service offered by Reverend Hans.
While it was accurate, the ad did omit an important point. Before they are eligible to receive this valuable offering, Hans’ faith-healing customers will be required to sign a waiver certifying that they accepted the service consensually; that the fees charged are for healing services, not sexual services; and that they will neither press charges nor sue Hans for sexual assault.
Reverend Hans has asked me to let my readers know that he makes this service available to both men and women, because that’s just the kind of reverend he is.