Considering how learned and often chemically enlightened they are, it might surprise you to learn that the Infinitian Sages, not to mention the Chief Sage Officer and Chief Ideology Officer, are divided on this question.
In fact, one Sage who lived in the Middle Ages was literally divided on this question. She believed that no single God could possibly be infinite in nature and she made the mistake of proclaiming her belief in the town square. A berserk zealot of one of the monotheistic faiths, which shall remain anonymous for legal and tax reasons, devoutly believed in the infiniteness of his particular God. On hearing the Sage’s heretical proclamation, he grabbed an ax and cut her cleanly in two, between her eyes, her breasts and the center of her groin.
That is not to say that the cutting was clean. On the contrary, as one would expect, there was a lot of blood and guts lying around after the foul deed was done. Rather, his slicing was so perfectly centered that he had cut the Sage into perfect halves that were mirror images of each other. We honor this Sage by taking an additional half-day off work each year.
But I digress.
The question has not yet been definitively answered, but here are some of the prevailing arguments for and against the infiniteness of a God. (Of course, the answer may be that some of the infinite number of Gods are infinite in nature and some are not, but that’s for advanced philosophers to consider.)
You decide. However, keep your judgment to yourself if you are near any monotheistic zealots. You never know what will set those nut jobs off.
- References to one or more Gods’ infiniteness have appeared in reputable—some would say holy—books.
- Gods are bigger than any human can possibly imagine. An infinite space is also bigger than anything any human can possibly imagine. Therefore, the two must be equal. Ergo, every God is infinite in nature.
- Infinitians assign Gods numbers. In addition, the same world there are atheists who believe in zero gods. In formal calculations, dividing any number by zero yields infinity. Thus, if you take any God and divide Him or Her by the atheists’ definition of a zero god, the result is an infinite God.
- Can you see a physical manifestation of any of the Gods? Usually not. This is because They are stretched infinitely widely and therefor have no physical matter existing at any single point. You see their physical manifestations only when they compress a finite portion of their otherwise infinitely stretched matter to, for example, leave images on burnt toast.
- If a God were finite then His or Her possessions would also be finite. However, because Gods are generally all-seeing, all-knowing and all-powerful, if they are finite in nature they must be really, really huge to possess those traits. If the Gods are finite but really, really huge then the question “is it bigger than a breadbox?” would have no meaning because a God’s breadbox would be bigger than anything on Earth. On the other hand, if a God is infinite in nature then His or Her possessions would also be infinite in nature and the size of His or Her breadbox would have no meaning in our universe. Thus, because “is it bigger than a breadbox?” is a commonly asked question that carries a meaning for us, the Gods that live in or visit our universe must be infinite in nature so that the size of a God’s breadbox is meaningless to us and, therefore, has no impact on that human question.
- It’s far too much of a strain on the brain to consider physical boundaries for an omnipotent being, so it’s best to just accept on faith the infiniteness of Gods.
- References to one or more Gods’ finiteness have appeared in reputable—some would say holy—books.
- It’s widely known and accepted that many of the Gods are heavy drinkers. An infinite God could not fit into a finite bar and the concept of an infinite bar is too ridiculous to even consider.
- If a God were infinite and existent in our universe then there would be no room for anyone or anything else. Touch yourself. Spend some time to really, really, really enjoy touching yourself. That should be enough to convince you that there is plenty of room in our universe for other beings and things, including yourself and your genitalia. The beauty of this test is that even hermits can perform it. What’s more, they can relieve their sexual tension at the same time.
- Many Gods have strict strictures against displaying our private parts in public (however, different Gods declare different parts to be private; for example, some require the covering of only nasal hairs). Yet, we are created in our Creator’s image. Thus, if our Creator is infinite in size, His or Her private parts must be scaled up to be infinite in size as well. It would be impossible to find clothing to cover up infinitely sized private parts. Therefore, this is impossible.Besides, take a look at your private parts. Do they appear anywhere close to infinitely sized? I expect not. Therefore, if we are created in our Creator’s image, our Creator cannot have infinitely sized private parts. Thus, the remainder of Her or His being cannot be infinitely sized either because, if it were, then Her or His private parts would appear embarrassingly small in comparison. Is that the sort of image you have of any God? Again, I expect not.
- It is inconceivable that a God would allow Her or His creations to brutally kill each other by wars or by more antisocial murders. It is inconceivable that a God would create bodies that can be destroyed in the most excruciatingly painful way imaginable by cancers and other horrid diseases. It is inconceivable that a God would allow Republicans to win elections. It is inconceivable that … I could go on, but you get the picture.Yet, these horrible things do happen to good, bad, ugly and beautiful people in roughly equal measure. How can this be? If it is inconceivable that a God would allow them to happen, the only explanation is that He or She is not able to prevent them happening. This is because the Gods are finite in nature and, rumors of omnipresence notwithstanding, can’t be everywhere at once.
(As an aside, it is worth noting that horrible things do not happen to all good, bad, ugly and beautiful people in roughly equal measure. That’s true only on average.
Consider, for example, one poor soul in West Texas who goes by the unfortunate name of Tex. Tex unconditionally loves and respects his family, friends and neighbors. He unsparingly helps people in need, whether they are friends, foes, or generally unknown to him. Yet, despite his saint-like goodness, far more than his fair share of dreadful things happens to Tex. Why? Because, against strict rules that are obscurely laid out in Infinitian scriptures, he once carved God One’s name on a weathervane. God One has been punishing him severely ever since.)
- It’s far too much of a strain on the brain to think of anything as going on forever, so it’s best to just accept on faith the finiteness of all Gods.