Jane Fartalott, of Sceptique-de-Culte, France, recently emailed me the following question:
Dear Sage Mike [the feeble-minded can be so well-mannered, can’t they?],
If religion is divinely inspired and based on the true words that come directly from all-knowing Gods, why did religion believe up to the time of the Renaissance, and even beyond that, that the sun revolved around the earth?
Jane, you certainly are an unbelievably ignorant gasbag, aren’t you? You are obviously confusing Infinitiaty with Christianity, the latter being a horribly misguided pseudo-religion.
Infinitians never believed that crap about the sun revolving around the earth. There is not a single document anywhere in existence, nor a single oral story that provides the slightest of evidence that a single Infinitian believed that cock-and-bull sun-versus-Earth revolution nonsense.
And I can assure you that, at least in this case, the reason for that absence has nothing to do with the always-running-at-full-tilt paper shredders at Infinitiaty headquarters. Nor is that absence a product of our amazingly formidable PR machine. The reason no such documents or stories exist is that no Infinitian ever believed that early-Christian hogwash. Never.
Here’s how we came to our knowledge of the earth’s motion relative to the sun: In the beginning, God One created the heaven, the sun, and the earth (and a whole bunch of other sundry stuff). At first, our sun and what are now considered to be its planets floated freely in the vacuum of space.
Revolution: It started with a flick of a godly finger
Then, after numerous failed attempts, God One invented gravity. He used that to create a bond between the sun and its planets. With those tethers firmly in place, He forcefully flicked the planets with His forefinger. This established their revolution around the sun. (This also placed a backspin on the planets. This caused them to not just revolve around the sun, but also rotate on their axes. However, that’s not relevant to this discussion.)
For better or worse, God One chose to not tell His creations about this. Instead, He wanted them to figure it out for themselves. This figuring-it-out-for-themselves guff applied to not just those of His creations who were atheists or who foolishly believed in only Him, but also to Infinitians, who rightly believed in and worshipped all of the infinite number of Gods. Of course, it didn’t help that God One rather promptly forgot that he had sent the earth revolving around the sun rather than the other way around. It’s not widely known, but He is rather absent-minded.
The early Christians tried to figure it out, but they were stumped. They looked up in the sky, saw the earth rising in the east, crossing the sky and setting in the west. Based on those observations, they assumed that the sun revolved around the earth. It was an understandable, but asinine mistake.
In truth, that’s probably the conclusion that the early Infinitians would have reached as well were it not for some divine help. Fortunately, God 44 took pity on Infinitians, who had the good sense to believe in Her and all of her fellow Gods. She recognized God One’s figure-it-out-for-themselves idea for what it was. She recognized that it was nonproductive idiocy from a too-full-of-Himself God. Right from day one, God 44 whispered the truth into the ears of Infinitian Sages.
Think about it. If Galileo had been an Infinitian instead of an otherwise devout Catholic he would not have been persecuted mercilessly for having the audacity to say, against the expressed censoring commands of The Church, that maybe, just maybe mind you, Copernicus was right about the earth revolving around the sun rather than the other way around. Instead, had he been one of us, we would have venerated Galileo for speaking the truth about the Earth’s revolution as told to us by God 44.
The Catholic persecution of Galileo for his thinking on the Earth’s revolution around the sun is and was a crying shame. You would have thought that the fact that Galileo’s daughter was a nun would have given him an in with the Catholic bureaucracy, but it was not to be. Score yet another one for Infinitiaty; zero for Christianity.