This post won’t matter much to most of my readers, but I must make an important announcement about a church closure in Wayekup, Texas. In making this announcement, I wish to allay the confusion and fears of some good Infinitians in in that town.
The owners of the franchise for the First Church of God 3598 of Wayekup have, with the full approval and authority of the Church of Infinitiaty, closed their church. Simultaneous with the closing of that church, the same owners opened a brand new church, the Holy Church of God 3598 of Wayekup, in the same building as the old church.
The owners took this action after exhausting all avenues of appeal against a ruling by municipal, state and federal authorities declaring that the First Church of God 3598 of Wayekup was not considered to be a legitimate religious institution for tax purposes.
This foolish, unjust ruling was an assault on religious freedom and, worse, seriously hurt the church’s revenue stream and its profitability. As a result, the franchisees felt they had no choice but to close the church.
The franchise owners filed for recognition of their new church as a tax-favored religious institution. They are confident that the church’s more devout name, the Holy Church of God 3598 of Wayekup, all but guarantees them a favorable ruling this time.
The employment contracts of all of the clergy and administrative staff of the old church were terminated upon the closing of that church. However, they were all immediately hired into the same jobs at the new church, with only a ten percent cut in pay and the loss of just a few benefits.
You can reach all of the clergy and other staff at their old phone numbers and email addresses. Or, in the case of those few clergy and staff who attend services, feel free to speak to them in person if they don’t have any other ecclesiastical, personal, or business appointments that they must run off to.
If you do speak with the clergy or other staff, please bear one thing in mind. Because they are busy, particularly at this time of change, keep your discussions with them as brief as possible. Unfortunately, until things get back to normal they will be forced to refuse to listen to parishioners’ usual whimpering and whining.
Parishioners can rest assured that all memberships were automatically transferred from the First Church of God 3598 of Wayekup to the Holy Church of God 3598 of Wayekup at no additional charge. However, if you purchased any religious icons embossed with the old church’s name you will have to buy new icons if you want them to carry the new brand.
Unless they look closely, parishioners won’t notice much of a difference in the physical structure of the church or the programs it runs. The only renovation that was done to the building was to update the sign out front. And the schedule and content of religious services, bingo tournaments, reality-show confession marathons, fundraising drives and other regular events will remain unchanged.
Church Closure: Effect on Dues and Donations
Church closures can be unsettling. But there is no need to fear. For the convenience of parishioners, all automated monthly church dues and donations debits from their bank accounts and/or charges to their credit cards will continue uninterrupted, with the funds now going to the new church.
Because the new church is a different legal entity than the old church, everyone’s billing cycle will be reset to the date that the church switchover took effect. Consequently, the compulsory annual ten-percent increase in membership dues and donations will be applied at that time, rather than at the old billing anniversary. That date will then become the new anniversary date for the purposes of determining when annual increases will be applied.
There is no grace period for people whose previous annual increase was applied shortly before the switchover date. They will, to the glory of the Gods, incur two increases within a short timeframe. However, because this is an infrequent event, this will not result in a significant hardship for most people.
If you have any questions about the church closure and the switchover to the new church or about your dues and donations please call the church directly. When the automated attendant answers the phone simply press 1, 4, 5, 2, 3, 1, 5. Then leave a message. Someone will get back to you.
Due to the extra work involved in this church closure and changeover, the clergy and administrative staff may not be able to respond as quickly as they would like. Please be patient if it takes a few months for someone to return your call.
As always, calls requesting an increase in automatic dues or donations or offering an additional one-time donation will be answered immediately. Simply call the church and press zero. Substantial fines will be charged to anyone who attempts to use this priority phone service for any other purpose.