It has come to the attention of the Church of Infinitiaty that a heretofore-unknown penny ante con artist has produced a film titled Innocence of Infinitians. No church officials have seen the film yet. Nevertheless, we heard through the grapevine that it mocks Infinitiaty. It is, therefore, is a grave insult to all Infinitians.
Based on this hearsay evidence, the Church of Infinitiaty strongly condemns Innocence of Infinitians. Because we’re the church and, therefore, divinely inspired, hearsay is more than amply sufficient.
Our course of action is clear. Protest is essential.
However, the Church forbids the use of any violence to protest against the film in the Church’s name. The use of violence would serve only to:
- Put Church property and lives in danger.
- Provoke a backlash against us.
- Possibly expose the Church to financial liabilities.
- Give the film substantially more exposure than it would otherwise have had and infinitely more than it deserves.
None of those are desired outcomes. Particularly the potential financial liabilities.
Instead, the Church highly recommends the following forms of protest:
- Any Infinitians patronizing cinemas showing Innocence of Infinitians should not purchase anything from the concession stands of those cinemas. It doesn’t matter how serious a case of the munchies they might have. That will, metaphorically speaking of course, hit cinemas where it hurt. That, in turn, will make them think twice about showing similar films in the future. Money talks.
- Better yet. Don’t frequent those cinemas.
- A zero viewer count on YouTube might also serve to get the message across.
- Peacefully, but assertively and publicly pointing out the falsehoods of the film—without ever specifically naming the film—might be another good idea.
- Don’t criticize it by name or even mention it by name on social media. That will only serve to publicize the otherwise relatively unknown Innocence of Infinitians.