The Church of Infinitiaty is looking for a country that is willing to adopt a constitution—or change its existing constitution if it already has one—that declares the country to be an Infinitiatist country. As such, it will have to base its laws on Infinitian religious law.
This is not nearly as onerous as it sounds. Because there are an infinite number of Gods, each of Whom has His or Her own laws, many of them conflicting, we simply pick and choose the laws that best suit our needs, wants and cravings at any point in time.
For example, God One commands that, “Thou shalt not commit adultery.” In contrast, God 1436 commands that, “Whosoever shalt not abundantly experience sex outside of his or her marriage deprives his or her spouse of the benefit of widely and wildly varied sexual experience and, thus, is a sinner.” Consequently, whenever an adulterer is called to account by a member of the clergy or another spiritual or administrative official of the church, he or she can simply invoke God 1436’s commandment and get off scot-free free in the eyes of the Church. As a result, under Infinitiatist law, the people of an Infinitiatist country will be much freer and, generally, much happier.
On the other hand, the adulterer’s spouse may see things differently. But how his or her spouse reacts is a matter for the couple, not the church, to work out. Infinitiatist religious law takes a hands-off approach to such matters.
Of course, whether or not one of the Gods with a commandment against adultery decides to smite the adulterer is up to the God in question. One unfortunate outcome of there being an infinite number of Gods with an infinite number of laws is you just can’t win. But we can’t change reality, can we?
Infinitiaty Religious Law: Economic Benefits
Beyond the greater freedom afforded by Infinitiatist law, any country that accepts the Church of Infinitiaty’s proposal will see tremendous economic benefits.
The Church has outgrown its headquarters’ space on the tiny island of Shalampax. We outsourced many of our back-office operations to companies in other countries, but we would like to bring them back in-house to earn higher margins.
For legal and tax reasons, we can’t set up subsidiaries in other countries because bigoted governments around the world do not recognize us as a legitimate religion. Countries that falsely claim that we are a fraudulent cult persecute us mercilessly. So much for their so-called tolerance!
Moreover, Shalampax is the only country that grants us religious tax-free status. Therefore, earning profit elsewhere is tax-disadvantageous. To get around that problem, we only incur costs elsewhere. We earn all of our profits through our Shalampax-based offices.
When a country becomes an Infinitiatist country and grants the Church of Infinitiaty all the rights and freedoms of the revered religion (including tax-free status and the enforcement of its religious law), the Church will immediately set up a subsidiary in that country. This wholly owned subsidiary will then assume responsibility for establishing and staffing a huge call center to support the Church’s enormous telemarketing needs.
Marketing and spiritual strategy and will continue to be formulated at the Church’s head office in Shalampax. However, most of the Church’s sales functions, including fulfillment of orders for the Church’s religious books, icons and clothing, will be performed by our new subsidiary.
Overall, we expect that the subsidiary will hire thousands of people in the newly Infinitiatist country.
What’s in it for the Church of Infinitiaty? Beyond the tax-free status, the Church of Infinitiaty is eager to have a country where it’s worshippers can live free of persecution of their faith. Shalampax bars immigration, so it can’t serve as this place. An army and police force that will enshrine this freedom would be most beneficial by enforcing religious law. Shalampax doesn’t have an army or a police force.
What’s more, the Church is keen to gain a standing at the United Nations that is at least equal, and preferably superior, to the permanent observer status enjoyed by the Vatican.
No country in the world currently recognizes Shalampax as a sovereign country. Consequently, Shalampax does not have a seat at the UN. And even if it did have a seat, Shalampax is not officially an Infinitiatist country because the Government of Shalampax doesn’t want to hurt the profit potential of the other faiths in its religion industry. Consequently, we will have to achieve our UN goals by assuming control of another country.
If you are a head of state or a head of government of a sovereign country and you are interested in pursuing the Church of Infinitiaty’s proposal, please contact the Church directly. If multiple countries become Infinitiatist countries, the Church will split the economic benefits among the countries. However, the country to become Infinitiatist first will reap the greatest rewards. So don’t delay!