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Sage Mike Prattles

God’s Image — We’re Not Doppelgängers. Not even Close.

God's Image — It's Not Us

God’s Image — It’s Not Us

I recently received an email from someone named Gordon (Gord) Simage asking about God’s image. Gord claims to be an Infinitian, but I have my doubts. He asks,

Dear Sage Mike,

I understand that we were created by God One. At most, the other Gods just offered Him suggestions about our inner workings. I also understand that we were created in God One’s image. What I don’t understand is, if I was created in God’s image, does that mean that God One is short, bald and obese and has a puny penis and big, floppy ears?

(Please don’t publish the puny penis part.)

Yours in ugliness,

Gordon (Gord) Simage

Well, Gord, it seems that someone has a body-image problem, doesn’t one? And it’s not me.

The secret of your small penis is safe with me. Oops. I’ve now displayed it on the Internet, so to speak. Oh, well. Don’t worry. No one reads this blog. Except, of course, the person reading it right now.

You are a very, very confused man, aren’t you? Where should I begin to try to replace with knowledge a modicum of the ignorance that currently fills your head?

First, let me point out that I’ve addressed this topic before. It was in response to a question whose physical description sounded a lot like yours. (Why do I attract so many fat slobs to this blog?) But since you’re probably too lazy a bugger to click on a link and read it, and because it’s too important a topic, I’ll tackle it again.

Obviously, the “God created us in his image” thing is not to be taken literally. First of all, there are men and women in this world. How could God One both have and not have a penis? Have and not have a vagina and ovaries? Have and not have mammaries? He can’t.

True, there is another God, God Two, who created God One. And we classify God Two as female. But that does not mean that men were created in God One’s image and women were created in God Two’s image. We assign genders to the Gods simply so we can use personal pronouns when referencing Them. We alternate between the sexes when assigning Gods genders so we can’t be accused of being misogynist bastards or misandrist bitches.

You have to look at the bigger picture. Consider what it generically means to be human. We all share certain body parts, except when God One screws up and allows someone to be born with a major deformity or when He allows someone to get into a situation where he or she has to have something amputated.

That is not to say we share body parts, per se. I just mean that we’re made up of the same types of body parts. Hopefully you were smart enough to figure that out for yourself. But I wasn’t sure.

Legs, arms, feet, hands, a torso and a head with the appropriate facial features are examples of the types of body parts that most of us have.

A number of internal organs are also common to most humans, but they usually aren’t visible to anyone but surgeons and excessively sick homicidal psychopaths. If they are not visible, how can they be considered to be a component of an image? Hence, they are usually not rational elements in a discussion of whether we are created in God’s image, unless that discussion is among surgeons and/or excessively sick homicidal psychopaths.

God’s Image. It’s Something Else.

So, does this mean that God One looks like a generically proportioned two-legged, two-armed, one-headed and one-torsoed being? No, of course not. Don’t be silly.

This brings me to my second and most important point. Are you really an Infinitian? If so, you shamefully have not been paying attention. This whole “we’re created in God’s image” nonsense belongs to some of those silly groups that try to pass them off as religions these days. Infinitiaty doesn’t currently preach that crap.

We have no idea what God’s image looks like. Neither God One nor any of the other Gods have bothered to tell us. We don’t ask because we don’t know if They are embarrassed by Their form. We figure, if They wanted to tell us, They would. Pressuring Them on the point would be rude.

Some of the Gods take human form when They come to God One’s universe and visit us on Earth. They consider the experience to be entertaining. But that is not Their natural form. And God One never takes on human form.

In Infinitiaty, we depict Gods as being cloud-like, but that is purely allegorical. We have no idea what God’s image really is. However, I’m certain that God One does not look anything like you. Particularly not with your puny penis.

Pray, do tell ...