Chief Sage Officer

The Chief Sage Officer (CSO) is responsible for disseminating and inculcating the pseudo-learned knowledge inherent in our religion, the risible interpretations of our picayune scriptures and the arguable life-lessons implied therein. The CSO resides in the holiest structure in all of Infinitiaty, the Infinican, which is an apartment in the the only building in the small country of Shalampax.

The CSO holds his or her position for life or until he or she grows bored with it and resigns. Unless the sitting (and often sleeping) CSO dies very young, the latter condition is usually what creates a vacancy in the CSO position.

The selection of a new CSO requires a unanimous consensus of all of the current Sages of Infinitiaty. The consensus process begins when the Sages of Infinitiaty gather in the Infinican. (If the past CSO left the post by choice, rather than by death, he or she has 15 days to clear out of the Infinican. CSOs that die in office must vacate the premises within one day.)

The CSO receives a small salary that is currently set at $2-million per year. There are also performance bonuses based on public opinion surveys indicating how many otherwise intelligent people buy into the piffle put out by the Church.

The Chief Sage Officer is the public face of piety for the Infinitian masses, but he or she is not the religion's leader. The CSO reports directly to the most senior person in the church, the Chief Executive Officer (CEO).

While the Chief Sage Officer is purveyor of Infinitiaty doctrine and ideology, he or she does not create new elements in the philosophy or new dogma. That task is the responsibility of the Chief Ideology Officer (CIO), although the CSO may provide input to the CIO during dinner soirees or team drinking binges.

Underling sages of Infinitiaty report to the CSO. The number of underling sages fluctuates over time depending on a variety of serendipitous conditions and criteria.