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Big Bang Theory

Big Bang Theory: Universes are created by orgasms of the Gods

Big Bang Theory: Universes are created by orgasms of the Gods

Disciples of Infinitiaty all believe that universes are created by Gods. And Gods need other Gods to create Them. That is, after all, the foundation of the faith. Besides, it must be so because if our God, God One, had not been created by a God and God One had not gone on to create our universe then we would not be here to talk about it.

What is disputed is how a God creates a universe. That would seem to be too impossibly massive and complex of an endeavor for a being, even one who is a deity, to consciously undertake.

Big Bang Theory: Was It Good For You?

The dominant theory among Infinitian theologians is that universes are created when two or more Gods have mutual orgasms during a sexual encounter. This hypothesis holds that the energy channeled by these simultaneous orgasms is so great that it creates a black hole.

The black hole then sucks in matter from nearby universes. This vacuuming of matter by the black hole continues until the mass of the black hole is so great that it explodes. The explosion of the matter in the black hole creates a new universe.

According to this thesis, the new universe is then assigned to whichever God initiated the sexual encounter. That God then shapes the otherwise random, unordered universe into a more orderly form.

This hypothesis is known as the “Big Bang Theory.” However, Infinitian theologians refuse to say if “big bang” refers to the explosion of the black hole. It might also refer to the sex romp of the Gods.

It should be noted that this is only a theory. Infinitian theologians don’t know for certain that this is how Gods create universes. And they don’t have a clue as to how Gods create other Gods1. That is beyond the limits of our minds to contemplate. We must, therefore, accept on faith the fact that it unquestionably happens.

  1 Some Infinitian theologians have hypothesized that new Gods are the product, after a lengthy gestation period, of the sexual encounters of Gods. But this theory is generally discounted as the ramblings of lunatics who are accepted as theologians only for tax reasons. The infinitian creed holds that Gods are infertile and have sex solely for pleasure or to make other Gods jealous.

Pray, do tell ...