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A blog wherein Sage Mike blathers on to justify his existence.
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Proof of God One: A Miracle

August 8, 2011 | Author: Sage Mike

God Works in Infuriatingly Mysterious

God Works in Infuriatingly Mysterious

Note: This was written last Friday, but it was not posted until today due to an exceptionally long, drug-induced nap.

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Most assuredly, God One is a truly great, good, glorious and all-round awesome deity. Just when some of His creations begin to doubt His presence in our universe—a doubt that causes horrendous despair throughout the land and that also possibly, but unlikely, begets an inexplicable, widespread plague of the munchies—He provides us with incontrovertible proof of His existence. Moreover, it is a proof that is so clear that it cannot be mistrusted or disputed by even the most steadfast and rational of skeptics.

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InfiniRewards Program

February 15, 2011 | Author: Sage Mike
InfiniRewards. Get the heavenly rewards you deserve.

InfiniRewards. Get the heavenly rewards you deserve.

You’ve got to hand it to the Chief Marketing Officer (CMO) of Infinitiaty. She’s always thinking up creative new ways to promote the glory of the Gods.

The CMO’s latest idea is the recently launched InfiniRewards, a loyalty program designed for frequent donors to the Church of Infinitiaty.

Here’s how it works. First, you apply to the InfiniRewards program. (The CMO expects that most InfiniRewards members will be Infinitians, but membership in our church is not required in order to join the InfiniRewards program.) Along with your application, send the program initiation fee of $295. After that, it costs only $49.95 a year to renew your membership.

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God Mass

February 1, 2011 | Author: Sage Mike
God One could afford to lose an infinity or so pounds.

God One could afford to lose an infinity or so pounds.

Poindexter from Pointe Lesse, Michigan wants to know:

“Does God One have mass or is He weightless?”

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A Conversation with God One

January 25, 2011 | Author: Sage Mike
God One talks with the Chief Sage Officer

God One talks with the Chief Sage Officer

God One and the Chief Sage Officer of Infinitiaty had a chat this morning. There is nothing unusual about that, but what was out of the ordinary was that God One agreed to allow a transcript of the conversation to be published here.

This was a great surprise and a tremendous honor because it’s been a few thousand years since God One has allowed his words to be published verbatim. You see, He is well aware that He has become somewhat doddering in His old age. Furthermore, His profundity has declined considerable—and he never was a particularly deep thinker to begin with.

He worries that people might no longer think He’s great and, therefore, will stop praising Him if they heard His words now. He’s very insecure and needs continual praise.

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Deity Omnipresence

January 19, 2011 | Author: Sage Mike
Gods are omnipresent most of the time, but not always.

Gods are omnipresent most of the time, but not always.

Someone who asked me to identify him as only G. Willickers, from Great Synick, Wisconsin, called me to ask a spiritual question that has been troubling him. He wanted to know how it is possible for Gods to be everywhere at once.

Because this is, in the minds of people without a scientific grounding, a fundamental holy enigma that has frequently caused many people to question their faith, I told G. that I would answer him here rather than on the phone so everyone could read my response.

The answer is actually quite elemental and scientific, but rather difficult to comprehend for those of us who are able to see the world only on a human scale. I will try to explain, but forgive me if my scientific faculties are not up to the task of supplying an answer that can be understood by laymen.

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Heavenly Sight

January 16, 2011 | Author: Sage Mike
Souls in heaven are always smiling because they send their time watching people on earth having sex.

Souls in heaven are always smiling because they send their time watching people on earth having sex.

Victoria from San Taklaus, California sent me the following note:

My parents died when I was very young. Since then, I’ve always believed that they’ve witnessed my accomplishments from their perches in heaven. Now that I’m an adult, I’m beginning to question my childhood thoughts. Can our deceased loved ones really watch over us from heaven and follow our progress through life or is that just a foolish, wishful, romantic notion of mine?

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In the unlikely event that you have any time available after praying and paying in the Church of Infinitiaty, you might enjoy a visit to Shalampax. Or not. It's really hard to say for certain.