Infinitiaty


A blog wherein Sage Mike blathers on to justify his existence.
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Muhammad and Infinitiaty

I feel the need to thoroughly and permanently dispel the rumor that Muhammad, whom Muslims revere as Allah’s final prophet, was secretly an Infinitian. To the best of my knowledge, there is no record of Muhammad ever mentioning anything about Infinitiaty. Nor have any of his chroniclers ever so much as hinted that he ever privately or publicly discussed Infinitiaty—not even casually—or that he ever quietly harbored any fleeting thoughts of it.

Nor can I find any mention of Muhammad in the archives of the Church of Infinitiaty, which holds virtually every document that has ever been created by anyone in the Church of Infinitiaty and includes items that date from well before the time of the Prophet Muhammad.

Thus, I believe that the rumor of Muhammad’s secret belief in Infinitiaty is utterly and patently false. Then again, neither he nor his chroniclers ever categorically stated that he wasn’t a secret Infinitian, but that’s neither here nor there. Despite the lack of a denial, I still think the rumor is false.

I don’t think that anyone anywhere in the world has ever suggested, not even in jest, that the Prophet Mohammad was a secret Infinitian. So this rumor has not yet been disseminated, nor does it even exist. Nevertheless, I felt the need to dispel it before it ever has a chance to take root lest any radical fundamentalist Islamists hear of it and mistake it for a mocking of the Prophet Muhammad. Nothing could be further from the truth.

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Merry Christmas?

Many parishioners have asked me whether it is acceptable for Infinitians to wish Christians a Merry Christmas. After all, Infinitians believe that, if he existed at all, Jesus was just another guy with a God complex—or, rather, a Son of God complex.

At the very most, he might’ve been one of the Gods other than God One Who took on human form to play a practical joke on the people of the “holy land.” (It couldn’t have been God One because God One doesn’t have a sense of humor.)

So, is it alright to wish Christians a Merry Christmas? What a silly question!

Of course it’s okay to wish them a Merry Christmas. If you do they might give you gifts. If you don’t, they probably won’t.

Just remember that, as an Infinitian, you are expected to return the gifts to the store for cash and send at least half of the refund to the Church.

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Is Infinity Knowable?

Is infinity knowable?

Is infinity knowable?

The question, “is infinity knowable,” has plagued the brightest of philosophers for millennia.

Well, maybe not plagued so much as they’ve occasionally given it passing consideration, but only when the weather is too miserable to go out and enjoy themselves.

And the “brightest of philosophers” might be an exaggeration. Most of them are more along the lines of barbers with spare time on their hands, which is not to say there is anything wrong with barbers with spare time on their hands. Many of them are fine, upstanding individuals. And they give good haircuts.

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Is Suicide a Sin?

Is Suicide a Sin?

Is Suicide a Sin?

Bubba Liu, a man of Chinese descent by way of Arkansas and Louisiana, now lives in Corpus Satani, Texas. He may be very troubled. Why do I say that? Bubba emailed me to ask whether suicide was considered a sin in Infinitiaty, the religion he has practiced devoutly all his adult life.

In case Bubba asked that for deeply personal reasons, triggered by a very dark emotional crisis, compassion compels me to urge him in the strongest possible terms to seek the professional help of a lawyer to ensure that he has an airtight will that bequeaths all of his assets to the Church of Infinitiaty.

Bubba, please, please, please. I beg of you. Run off to see your lawyer right now, before you do anything rash. Later maybe too late. All of your assets may go to our next of kin rather than to the Church, as they should.

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The Holy Infinity Debate

 The Holy Infinity Debate

The Holy Infinity Debate

A short-lived, but querulous debate within the Church of Infinitiaty ended recently. You might be interested in hearing the details if, as a result of having absolutely no life whatsoever, you are suffering from a terminal case of boredom and are, therefore, looking for something—anything—to occupy your mind for a few minutes to stave off your lethal ennui, even if only briefly.

Here’s what happened.

Inga Dingbāht, an Infinitiaty Church franchisee and self-appointed reverend at the First Krāzi Most Holy Infinitian Church of God 9834, or FKMHICoG9834 for short, located in Krāzi, Latvia, started the debate when she postulated that there were not an infinite number of Gods, as Infinitiaty now preaches, but rather one God with an infinite number of aspects. Her theory was that when a God created another God—as must be the case because nothing can exist without being created and only a God can create a God—the newly created “God” was not, in fact, materially a new God, but rather a new aspect of what she calls The Holy Infinity.

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Ontological Proof

Ontological Proof of Infinitiaty

Ontological Proof of Infinitiaty

The Church of Infinitiaty Web site offers boundless proofs of the existence of an infinite number of Gods, the central tenet of Infinitiaty. Yet there is one proof that the site leaves out for some unknown reason. And it’s a proof that puts the final nails in the coffins of the monotheistic, finite-theistic and, heavens forbid, atheistic belief systems.

I would speak to the Infinitiaty Web content developer about correcting this serious omission, but she’s currently in the witness protection program and can’t be reached. Rather than leave you ignorant, I’ll present the proof here.

I am speaking of the ontological proof of an infinite number of Gods.

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