A blog wherein Sage Mike blathers on to justify his existence.

Literal Gods

An infinite number of Gods. Literally.

An infinite number of Gods. Literally.

Honey Duzz, who didn’t tell me her hometown but, rather, referred to herself as “a itinerant entertainer,” emailed me the following questions: “I’m seriously considering converting to Infinitiaty. When Infinitiaty speaks of an infinite number of Gods, that’s a metaphor for the infiniteness of godliness, right? There isn’t really an infinite number of Gods, is there?”

Honey, before I answer your questions, I need to praise you on two points. First, you didn’t say so in your email, but “Honey Duzz” is so perfect a stripper name that I assume that you are, indeed, a stripper. My suspicion was strengthened when I noticed that your email address is at a domain that belongs to HotBabes Strip Clubs International, Corp. There was no doubt left in my mind when I saw that your signature line included the tagline, “On stage. Off clothes.”

People not familiar with Infinitiaty might find it strange to hear a Sage of the religion praise a stripper. However, the devout know that Infinitiaty is one of the very few religions that venerate strippers.

Our holy scripture tells us that anyone who publicly and proudly displays God One’s handiwork, flawed though it may be, is truly doing the Lord’s work. Strippers are thus looked upon with great favor by God One, despite Him being a prude in most other respects. (The other Gods, particularly the male Gods, love strippers even more.)

In honor of your profession as a stripper, if you send me a picture taken at the climax of your act I will bless it daily and nightly.

To be safe, it would be best if you send me several pictures, preferably taken in a variety of poses that best show off God One’s gifts to you. In the process of blessing it, I might mar your picture by inadvertently splattering it with my holy liquid. Having several pictures will ensure that I will always have a relatively clean one to bless until you can send me a new supply.

I should mention that if you decide to convert to Infinitiaty then, not only will you be looked upon favorably because you are a stripper, but you will have a prominent seat reserved for you in church for as long as you remain a stripper.

(Before the political correctness squad comes after me, I need to point out that male strippers receive similar veneration in our churches, particularly those churches with female Reverends, Managers and Franchisees.)

The second thing I want to praise you for is your use of the word metaphor. That’s several grade levels above the vocabulary of most of the people who send me questions. Congratulations on your superior literacy.

With those praises out of the way, let’s get back to your questions. Despite your not yet being an Infinitian, I should chastise you severely for daring to challenge the teachings of Infinitiaty. However, I will overlook it because you are a stripper and, therefore, worthy of much greater forgiveness than lesser mortals. (If I’m wrong about you being a stripper then consider yourself duly chastised.)

No, the infinite number of Gods that Infinitiaty speaks of is not a metaphor. It is real in completely objective sense.

I recognize that infiniteness is difficult to grasp for most laymen, laywomen and many people who don’t lay at all. Great mathematicians, on the other hand, have no problem whatsoever dealing with infinity. This is why we currently have a proselytizing drive on that is targeting mathematicians. Let me ask you this: Who does it make more sense to believe, great mathematicians or people who have a hard time grasping concepts? I don’t know about you, but, of those two, I choose mathematicians.

So, an infinite number of Gods is definitely possible, but possible doesn’t necessarily mean true. Yet one moment’s thought is all that is required to see that there not just can, but must be an infinite number of Gods. It cannot be any other way.

Here’s why:

Enlightened people know that nothing can be created without a Creator. That means that God One, our Creator, could not have been created without a Creator. Thus, there must be another God who created God One. We arbitrarily refer to Her as God Two.

But, of course, God Two also requires a Creator. Thus, there must be another God, God Three, who created Her. Follow this logic to its inevitable conclusion and it’s clear that there must be an infinite number of Gods.

The only other possibility is that some things don’t require a Creator at all. However, if this were true then we and our universe wouldn’t require a Creator. Our universe might have existed forever over infinite time without a Creator. This is obviously unthinkable nonsense, thus there must be an infinite number of Gods.

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