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Chief Executive Officer

Chief Executive Officer (CEO) --- Identity obscured due to outstanding arrest warrants.

Chief Executive Officer (CEO) — Identity obscured due to outstanding arrest warrants.

The Chief Executive Officer (CEO) is Infinitiaty’s boss, big cheese, head honcho, bigwig, top dog, kingpin … well, you get the picture. The CEO’s word is the law.

Much like the Catholic pope, the CEO’s words are treated as infallible. Of course, nobody really believes that the CEO or his words are truly infallible. But there is a fear that if we don’t have someone who is irrefutable and in ultimate control the religion will fall into chaos and be torn asunder. That would be bad for business.

Unlike the pope, the Chief Executive Officer of Infinitiaty stays in the background. In fact, his or her name is known to only the people who report directly to the CEO. They are sworn to secrecy on the penalty of death. This is done for legal and tax reasons.

In the eyes of Infinitiaty parishioners and the public at large, the role in Infinitiaty that is analogous to the pope in the Catholic faith is the Chief Sage Officer (CSO). Yet, in reality, the CSO is a stooge of the CEO and, to a lesser extent, the Chief Ideology Officer (CIO).

Chief Executive Officer Compensation

The base salary for the CEO is $90-million. There is also a generous quarterly bonus. The bonus is primarily based on the CEO’s success at exploiting Church of Infinitiaty workers as cheaply as possible, while maximizing their output.

The CEO must approve all franchise applications and has the power to cancel franchise agreements at any time without notice. Thus, it is widely accepted, but never affirmed that the CEO receives large kickbacks from franchise holders.

This is seen to be a modest compensation package considering that the Chief Executive Officer’s job is responsible for overseeing the Church and ensuring its thorough piety in the eyes of an infinite number of Gods.

Unlike the case with the most senior position in many traditional religions, the CEO job is open to both males and females.

The office may be held for life. A Church of Infinitiaty CEO can’t be forcibly removed from office, particularly if he or she is convicted of a crime.

Because it is such a lucrative job, CEOs almost never step down voluntarily, however some of their deaths have been suspicious. For example, a few people privately doubt the official Infinitian declaration that the knife in the back of the last CEO was a case of suicide. Despite what this minority of individuals say, for reasons of safety, most of us agree that it is merely a coincidence that a knife exactly matching the rare ornamental knife found in the former CEO’s back was seen in the current CEO’s possession on the previous day.

When the Chief Executive Officer position becomes vacant it is filled by the highest bidder, without regard to any other qualifications.

Click here to see the Infinitiaty org chart.

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