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Chief Ideology Officer

Chief Ideology Officer. Face obscured to shield her from the vice squad.

Chief Ideology Officer. Face obscured to shield her from the vice squad.

The Chief Ideology Officer (CIO) is the ideas person in the Infinitiaty religion. The CIO’s ideas are often questionable, but once Infinitiaty’s Chief Executive Officer (CEO) signs off on them they are then considered gospel of the faith. That gospel is then devoutly and lovingly disseminated by the Chief Sage Officer (CSO), his or her underling Sages, and local Infinitiaty franchised and religion-owned churches.

Whenever global interest in Infinitiaty wanes, the CIO writes new pages of scripture or even complete new books of the bible—under God One’s guidance, of course. After all, the books of the Bible are God One’s true words. And so say all of us.

After approval by the CEO, that material is posted to the Infinitiaty.org Web site. The CIO will then, at his or her discretion, either claim that it is newly found scripture or he will swear that it was always there, but one of the infinity of Gods blinded the insufficiently devout to its presence and, only now, has it been revealed to all.

Filling the Chief Ideology Officer Position

When the CIO position becomes vacant, prospective candidates submit 50,000-word theses on religious philosophy. The theses are thrown into an empty cement mixer, the mixer is spun for three minutes, and the winning thesis is the selected at random by the CEO.

All of the theses — winning or not — are then burned. The smoke from the fire is a sign to the nearby populace that a new CIO had been chosen.

Prayers are then offered to a variety of the infinity of Gods to ask for forgiveness for having pumped such a large volume of greenhouse gases and other pollutants into the air as a result of the fire.

The CIO is paid $100 per word of dogma and/or scripture, with deductions applied if the CIO is verbose. This is the CIO’s only remuneration.

Click here to see the Infinitiaty org chart.

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