Religious Administration
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Chief Sage Officer

Chief Sage Officer Meditating On Money

Chief Sage Officer Meditating On Money

The Chief Sage Officer (CSO) is responsible for disseminating and inculcating the pseudo-learned knowledge inherent in our religion, the risible interpretations of our picayune scriptures and the arguable life-lessons implied therein.

The CSO resides in the holiest structure in all of Infinitiaty, the Infinican. This is an apartment in the the only building in the small country of Shalampax. The CSO holds his or her position for life or until he or she grows bored with it and resigns. Unless the sitting (and often sleeping) CSO dies very young, resignation due to extreme boredom is usually what creates a vacancy in the CSO position.

All CSOs who serve for at least six months are entitled to a pension equal to 80 percent of the CSO’s ending salary. CSOs are entitled to this pension regardless of whether they quit, are fired or simply go missing.

The selection of a new CSO requires a unanimous consensus of all of the current Sages of Infinitiaty. The consensus process begins when the Sages of Infinitiaty gather in the Infinican. (If the past CSO left the post by choice, rather than by death, he or she has 15 days to clear out of the Infinican. CSOs who die in office must vacate the premises within one day.)

Chief Sage Remuneration

The CSO receives a small salary. It is currently set at $2-million per year. There are also performance bonuses. These are based on public opinion surveys indicating how many otherwise intelligent people buy into the piffle put out by the Church.

The Chief Sage Officer is the public face of piety for the Infinitian masses, but he or she is not the religion’s leader. The CSO reports directly to the most senior person in the church, the Chief Executive Officer (CEO).

While the Chief Sage Officer is purveyor of Infinitiaty doctrine and ideology, he or she does not create new elements in the philosophy or new dogma. That task is the responsibility of the Chief Ideology Officer (CIO). Although, the CSO may provide input to the CIO during dinner soirees or team drinking binges.

Underling sages of Infinitiaty report to the CSO. The number of underling sages fluctuates over time depending on a variety of serendipitous conditions and criteria.

Click here to see the Infinitiaty org chart.