Religious Administration
site map


Sage: Identity obscured so people with problems won't bug her with questions.

Sage: Identity obscured so people with problems won’t bug her with questions.

If Infinitiaty were a corporation instead of a religion, the most appropriate job title for Sages would be “Flunkies.” Sages report to the Chief Sage Officer (CSO) and do his or her bidding.

Typical Sage chores include the following:

  • Fetch coffee for the CSO.
  • Fetch tea for the CSO.
  • Fetch alcoholic beverages for the CSO.
  • Fetch hallucinogens for the CSO.
  • Fetch choirboys or choirgirls for the CSO as is his or her preference.
  • Fetch adult male or female prostitutes for the CSO as is his or her preference.
  • Fetch the CSO’s mail.
  • Read the CSO’s mail.
  • Answer the CSO’s mail.
  • Shred the CSO’s incoming mail to allow him plausible deniability if he or she needs to deny ever having seen it.
  • Shred the outgoing mail allegedly coming from the CSO before it is sent so the CSO can claim that the response was lost in the mail should such an excuse be necessary.
  • Drop off the CSO’s laundry.
  • Fetch the CSO’s laundry.
  • Kiss the CSO’s feet.
  • Polish the CSO’s shoes.
  • Tie the CSO’s shoelaces or buckle the CSO’s shoe buckles as the case may be.
  • Regularly and frequently bow and scrape to the CSO.
  • Etc.

Sage: Job Qualifications and Compensation

Beyond the above functions, the only public role for Sages is to appear wise. Thus, the primary qualification for becoming a Sage is strong acting skills.

Sages are typically relatives of the people higher up in the Infinitian organization or people to whom those higher-ups owe favors. There are a number of pointless determinants of how many Sages there are at any point in time, but principle among those determinants is the number of leeches for whom the CSO must find jobs.

Sages are not paid a salary, but they receive free room and board, as well as clothing and toiletries allowances. In addition, Sages typically receive a small share of the CSO’s coffee, tea, alcoholic beverages and hallucinogens. Sages can also occasionally cop a feel off the CSO’s choirboys, choirgirls and prostitutes.

Click here to see the Infinitiaty org chart.