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The Lords’ Prayer. Beseeching all of the infinite number of gods.


The Lords’ Prayer. For all the Gods.

The Church of Infinitiaty encourages Infinitians to recite The Lords’ Prayer throughout the day and night, every day and night, so all of the infinite number of Gods might hear it. This will increase your chances, miniscule though they might be, that your prayers will be answered.

The Lords’ Prayer

Our Fathers and Mothers, Who art in heavens,

Hallowed be thy Names.

Thy Kingdoms and Queendoms come. 

Thy wills be done on Earth and on all other planets in your universes, 

As it is in heavens,

Or, at least, that’s your stories,

And we fully understand that you’re sticking to them.

Give us this day our daily bread.

Some wine and would be nice too.

And some roughage would help

To ensure that the bread doesn’t constipate us.

And forgive us our trespasses,

As we forgive them that trespass against us.

Unless of course they are of another faith,

In which case, screw forgiveness. 

And lead us not into temptation.

Instead, deposit us immediately in the midst of whatever temps us,

For it is bound to be one hell of a lot of fun. 

But deliver us from evil,

Unless, of course, said evil is fun or profitable,

In which case, show us the fastest route. 

For thine are the kingdoms and queendoms, 

The powers, and the glories, 

The disasters, and the heavenly screw-ups,

For ever and ever,

Or until such time as you totallyscrew us over in the End Times.