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Commentary on the Book of Kristi

The Book of Kristi has the distinction of being one of the few Books of the Bible that Infinitian scholars are reasonable confident was written directly by God One, without the help of a ghost writer or editor. The reason they believe this is that the writing is horribly inconsistent and riddled with errors.

Chief Reverend, First Fallowfield Church of God 1867. Identity obscured for witness protection reasons.

Chief Reverend, First Fallowfield Church of God 1867. Identity obscured for witness protection reasons.

God One is known to be a sloppy, lackadaisical writer at the best of times. This work is, therefore, much more consistent with His nature than some of the other Books of the Bible. No self-respecting, professional ghost writer or editor would allow such a sloppy piece of work to be published.

Then again, God One is also known to be a Cheap Bastard. It’s entirely possible that He didn’t want to pay professional ghost writers and editors and used amateurs instead. This, too, might explain the disjointed style and poor quality of the writing. As they say, you get what you pay for.

But the strongest evidence that the Book of Kristi was written by God One Himself is that he is self-deprecating in a number of instances throughout the book. It’s well known that God One frequently looks down at all of the flaws in His creations and consequently has doubts about His abilities. Another author would likely praise, rather than denigrate, God One out of a fear of lightening bolts.

Pilgrims Find Kristi

The recent history of the Book of Kristi is an interesting one. It was clearly written more than at least two millennia ago. However, it was lost until 1620. By an amazingly fortunate coincidence, a Pilgrim found it tucked under Plymouth Rock.

Unfortunately for humanity, the Pilgrims kept the existence of the Book of Kristi a secret because they had way too much time, energy and, particularly, money invested in Christianity. They feared that if the truth of the life of Kristi became known it would utterly destroy Christianity. They knew that when the truth was known, Christianity would be superseded by the much more credible, one true religion of Infinitiaty.

The Book of Kristi continued to remain hidden to most of the world until 2011. It was only then that a devout Infinitian bought it for $1.95 at yard sale. It took five further years to publish it because, when it was bought at the yard sale, many portions of the Book of Kristi had not yet been translated from the ancient Gibberish in which it was originally written.

(Gibberish is the original language of most of the Books of the Bible. Gibberish is a now largely extinct language that is an amalgam of ancient Hebrew, Arabic, Persian and, miraculously, modern English. The inclusion of modern English is proof of the divine hand of the author of the Infinitian Books of the Bible. Who else but a deity could have anticipated and incorporated a language that had not yet evolved.)

The version of the Book of Kristi published here is, of course, the official English translation of that work.

Commentary on the Veracity of the Book of Kristi

The exact age of the Book of Kristi is unknown, but its antiquity and veracity are beyond doubt. As proof, consider the bible stories of other “religions” that have been derived from the Book of Kristi. For example, the Christian myth of Christ was clearly adapted from the life Of Kristi.

The fact that Christ stories have been derived from actual events in Kristi’s life proves that the Book of Kristi must have predated Christianity’s New Testament.

Plus, to afford it at least a modicum of plausibility, the early Christian novelists who authored the New Testament wanted to include within it at least a kernel of truth. That kernel was derived from the Book of Kristi, thus proving the veracity of the Book of Kristi.


Almost Reverend __________ (name withheld for witness protection reasons)

Chief Reverend, First Fallowfield Church of God 1867


Click here to read Chapter One of the Book of Kristi