Bleeding Cure: Kristi cures a woman who bled for 12 years
It came to pass that Kristi was walking through the market. She did that most days, but on this particular day she felt someone tugging at her garment. This happened to her often. However, it was typically a prelude to her getting groped by one of the creations that God One called men.
This was not the case on this day. The person clutching her garment was a woman who was bleeding from between her legs. The blood had soaked a stream down her robe.
The woman, who’s name was Evangeline, said to Kristi, “Kristi, I have heard of thee. Thou art blessed by the glorious God One Himself. Hear me, for I am suffering.”
Kristi asked Evangeline what ailed her. Evangeline answered that she had been bleeding for the past twelve years—ever since she was about twelve years old—and no one had been able to heal her.
Kristi asked Evangeline if the bleeding was constant or periodic. Evangeline answered that it happened only once every lunar month, but it typically lasted off and on for three to five days each month.
And Kristi asked, “Does the blood flow from pores across your whole body or does it flow from only one spot on your body?”
And Evangeline replied, “It flows only from the unmentionable opening between my legs, the name of which must remain forever unspoken.”
And Kristi spoke unto Evangeline, saying, “Evangeline, you ignorant twit. That part has a name and it can be spoken. In polite company it’s called a vagina. In impolite company it has other names, but you’re such a stupid prude that you’d probably pass out if I told them to you. Your problem is not your bleeding. Your problem is that you are too priggish to talk about it with anyone.”
Kristi reached into one of the generous pockets of her robe and pulled out several small cylinders made of softened papyrus. She gave them to Evangeline, saying, “Here. Take these. They’re something I invented when I started bleeding like you. I call them tampons.
“Use one of them to plug up your vagina. Replace it every four to eight hours. Otherwise you will be at high risk of something I call toxic shock syndrome. And, before you ask, you must replace it with a fresh one, not one of the ones you’ve already used. Throw them away after use.
“You’re probably too stupid to figure this out, so I’ll tell you. You don’t have to use the tampons during most of the month. Only during your time for bleeding.
“I have a factory that produces tampons. I’ve made them available for sale in apothecaries. But you can have these samples for free.”
With that, Kristi stomped away, disgusted with the ignorance she saw around her.
Evangeline used a tampon as Kristi instructed. And, lo, verily, the bleeding cure worked! The flow of blood that had plagued her for twelve years stopped leaving her body. And Evangeline lifted hear eyes onto the heavens and proclaimed, “Oh Lord, Our God One, thou art truly great and glorious. Through your prophet Kristi hast thou cured me.”
People for miles and miles around, most of whom had not heard the full story of the nature of Evangeline’s ailment, heard about Kristi’s cure of Evangeline’s twelve years of bleeding. And they rejoiced. And their reverence for the Prophet Kristi grew yet stronger.
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