Into the Garden of Eden slithered a worm. Some descendents of Adam, Eve, Bob, Carol, Ted and Alice came to refer to it as a serpent because they were destined to be hopeless exaggerators. But, no, verily I say unto thee that it was a worm.
Upon entering the Garden, the worm made a beeline for the apple tree from which God One, Our Lord ordered his human creations to not eat. The worm didn’t have the foggiest of ideas what a beeline was, but, ignoring His command against touching the apples, the worm made a beeline to the apple tree nonetheless.
The worm began to eat of one of the apples on the tree.
Worms in the Garden had the gift of speech. (Yea, talking worms sounds verily like bullshit, but these are the words of God One. So shut up and believe.) And, after chowing down on it’s fill of apple, the worm said unto Eve, who had taken a break from the orgy that was going on in the Garden, “Yum, this apple is scrumptuous. Try it, you’ll love it.”
Eve replied, “But that big diaphenous Guy who said He created us and could smite us in a second if He so chose said we shouldn’t eat of the apple because He is saving it for a tasty pie.”
Eve resisted, but the worm seduced her by straightening its body into a rock-hard rod and said unto her, “Listen to me babe. I’m thin, but I’m fun. Would I steer you wrong? Besides, I’ve been watching you. You’ve been screwing Bob and Ted, neither of whom are you wedded to. That’s in direct contravention of at least one of God One’s laws; maybe two. (I haven’t actually read them.) How much more trouble can you get into than what you’ve already gotten yourself into? And, babe, that apple is really tasty. Go for it. What’s the worst that can happen?”
Eve ate of the forbidden fruit. As she ate, Eve, who had been decidedly ditzy ever since God One had created her, suddenly gained knowledge. In possession of this knowledge, she looked upon herself and said, “Holy crap! I’m naked! How the hell did that happen? I could accidently bang up against a tree and scrape my boobies. That’s gotta hurt! Or I might somehow injure my vagina. I wouldn’t want that. I better make some clothes and get dressed. I hope my fig leaf doesn’t make me look fat.”
God One, with Other Gods looking on,
was godly pissed off.
Discovery of Nudity
Eve then looked upon Adam, Bob, Carol, Ted and Alice and she saw that they too were naked. She thought to herself, “Shit, have they always been like that? How could I not have noticed that all this time?
“Geez, that Bob is really hung, isn’t he? Good work on creating that penis, God One! Thanks! If you put something like that on Adam I’d be one happy Eve. But no, you had to give him that little bitty poker. Thank you so very much. Not.”
And Eve called out to the rest of the Eden crew, “Hey guys, put some freaking clothes on! Don’t you want to protect your naughty bits?” And then she thought, “‘Naughty bits?’ Where the hell did that come from? I used to rather like those bits. There must have been something in that apple to make me think this crap.
“Hey, what’s that giant frowning face in the sky? Fuck! This isn’t going to be good.”
Adam, Eve, Bob, Carol, Ted and Alice suddenly, for some reason they couldn’t figure out, were ashamed of their nudity. They each took leaves from the fig tree and used tree sap to paste those leaves over the parts that they now thought of as “naughy bits.”
There was some argument as to which body parts were “naughty bits” and the women chose to show considerable cleavage.
God One, seeing what Eve had done, and seeing that all of his human Creations were now ashamed of the bodies He had given them, cast Adam, Eve, Bob, Carol, Ted and Alice out of the Garden. And He said unto them, “Out of dust I have made ye. And, despite the mess that it made, I didn’t ask you to sweep up the spare dust that fell on the ground. No, I took care of that myself. Some thanks I get! Well, I say unto thee, no more Mister Nice Guy. Into dust ye shall return. And then your offspring will have to sweep up your dust as that will be their lot in life.
“Oh, and that screwing you’ve been doing? Well, now you’re going to have to do it in earnest because I’ll be damned if I’m going to make any more of you jerks. You’ll have to populate your species yourself. Now, piss off.”
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