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The Book of Schmendrick

In biblical times, in an infinitely Holy Land, there lived a great sage named Schmendrick. His wisdom was renown amongst all of the peoples of the world and all but a few of the infinite number of Gods in all of the heavens of the multiverse. Beyond just wise, Schmendrick was a person of unbounded compassion, mercy and empathy. Great odes of praise were composed and sung about his exemplary deeds. True, not everyone who sang them had such a great voice, but, hey, it’s the thought that counts.

The Book of Schmendrick, one of the books of the hallowed Infinitian Bible, is not about that Schmendrick. In fact, to the best of anyone’s knowledge nothing has ever been written about him. Only vague rumours have been verbally passed down about him from generation to generation through the ages. The sheet music of those great odes has also been lost. It’s generally believed that it was found by the Beatles, who used it as the basis for most of their songs. But we could be wrong about that. 

Schmendrick — The nebbish of the bible

Schmendrick — The nebbish of the bible

The Other Schmendrick

Instead, the Book of Schmendrick is about another Schmendrick entirely. This one was of little note other than that God One chose him to conduct a great mission on His behalf. It is hard to conceive of why God One would have chosen this one for that important assignment. The Schmendrick of this Book of the Bible was well known to be an incompetent jerk by the very few people who knew him and considered him to be a friend. Those who knew him, but did not consider him to be a friend thought even less of him.

Beyond the question of why God One chose this Schmendrick lies the question of why God One chose any human to perform the sacred mission when He could have achieved His desired ends much more efficaciously himself. The best guess of the Sages of our time is that He was too lazy to do it himself. God One is like that.

Be all that as it may, God One did choose this nebbish of a being to be His emissary, who did carry out the holy mission of a fashion, and God One chose to give his people, and anyone else who was interested, a book chronicling this godly adventure.

Click here to start reading Chapter One. Otherwise, God One will get very upset because he went to a lot of trouble to write the book and He would hate to see all of that effort go to waste.

Pray, do tell ...